lorlilorsor.comthe awesome place where kang kang talks alot alot of nonsense.

After witnessing a long period of “love is all around” amongst my friends, I suddenly think the season has changed and the atmosphere is clouded with gloominess. (I DO realize the grammar mistake.)

Is it the weather? Is it because school started?

How come people suddenly feeling melancholy ah??

Aye, anywayz, I realize how easy it is for people to feel down and out. Falling short of other people’s expectations, falling short of our own expectations, feeling inferior, being mis-treated, feeling un-important, and so on.

I remember I made my parents very upset when I got into AES. Well they didn’t say anything, but my then sensitive and fragile heart felt it in full force, and man, with siblings in the family who all did better than u academically, it really sucks. I just had no interest in books at all man. Actually I really didn’t know what I was doing. It’s not like I neglect studies and play alot.

I wasn’t even a happening person! I just… well, slacked.

Okay, that disappointment made me decide to work harder and I got into a JC and eventually got into NUS, with grades that surpassed both my siblings.

But hey, does it stop there?

I remember when I got medals for sports, my dad says that sports are not important and I should study harder instead. When I got As and Bs for ‘A’s, he questioned why I didn’t get straight As.

When I told my parents I was asked to go for IVP trials, instead of thinking “hey, my son can do sports pretty well”, they shot me a disgusted look.

Hey I feel like I’m complaining about my family hahah, but I’m not.

All I’m trying to say is, one just has to be good to oneself and be happy. I mean, all these people fretting about their poor results. Wah lau, I feel relieved not going to ITE. And I didn’t even go to poly, I came to NUS. And here people are feeling the world is tumbling down because “sigh… I’m the worst student in the world because I didn’t get cap 4.6…. Kill me!!”

It’s not that I have low expectations of myself. But everyone has limits. Contrary to what motivational speakers say, I truly believe that there are limits to a person’s ability. They even say there is no such thing as talent.

They say “even Michael Jordan trains sibeh hard!” But hey, even if I train 10 times harder than him, I doubt I would be able to play better than him.

But so what? I don’t take beating Michael Jordan as my sole purpose in life.

Man is greedy, he’s never satisfied with his current achievements. And he shouldn’t be, but he mustn’t be too hard on himself either.

Life is supposed to be lived happily! Here’s a great story I got from a book.

“An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat wih just one fisherman
docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality
of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied,”Only a little while.”
The American then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish.
The Mexican said he had enough yo support his family’s immediate needs. The American asked,”But what do you do with
the rest of your day?”
The fisherman replied,”I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria,
stroll into the village each evening, where I sip wine and play the guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy
life, Senor.”

The American scoffed,”I am a Harvard M.B.A. and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and, with the
proceeds, buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats. Eventually
you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch directly to the a middleman you would
sell directly to the procesor, eventually owning your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and
distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los
Angeles and eventually New York, where you could run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked,”But Senor, how long will all of this take?”

The American replied,”Probably fifteen to twenty years.”

“But what then, Senor?”

The American laughed and said,”That’s the best part. When the time was right, you would announce an IPO and sell
your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions!”

“Millions, Senor,? Then what?”

The American said,”Then you would retire. Move to a small fishing village where you could sleep late, fish a little,
play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings, where you could sip
wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

So don’t focus so much on the intermediate steps and forget the big picture. One’s primary goal in life is to enjoy it!

Learn not to have what you want. Learn instead, to want what you have.

So be happy!

Finally the sun is back up.

I need to whack myself for wasting the past few nights not sleeping well. Rainy nights are supposed to be wonderful for sleeping, right?!

Aye, I guess this is some form of self-discovery for me too. I never knew melancholy can cause me insomnia. I mean, I fall asleep real easy usually.

But these past few nights I can just lie down there at 2 a.m. and just start thinking of nonsensical stuff, all the what-ifs and what-if-nots and stupid shit and check my phone after some time and realize it’s 3 a.m. and I’m still not asleep yet and I have classes early morning tomorrow.

All those old letters and cards. Birthday cards. My EIGHTEENTH birthday and NINETEENTH birthday ones. So funny, I feel so old now.

What is one supposed to do with all those? I doubt I’d ever throw them away. And I wonder what’s happened to the other half of all that.

I hate feeling melancholy lah. And I also hate telling people that I am feeling melancholy.

So that’s besides the point.

What’s important is I’m tired, but I can’t sleep.

And that sucks.

Went to Kuishin Bo with bm for her birthday treat. Coincidentally this is the last feast we’re gonna have before school starts, it’s so much like the last supper

Being the kiam siap person I am, after checking the prices for different timings, we decided to go walk walk abit before turning back to start eating from 9-10 p.m., what they call the “Last Hour Feast.” Thought I could save some money that way.

Alas, when we got there again, the person told us that the LHF does not apply on Sundays! I nearly fainted on the spot. Great, so not only did we suppress out hunger for nothing, now we have to eat all we want in ONE HOUR!

And so Operation Hungry Ghost begins.

Well maybe from afar this doesn’t look alot. But I tell u, it WAS. Well by the time we finished half of it, it was already like 9.30 p.m. so we had to clear some plates and chiong for second round.

And we came back with such a frickin big plate of desserts and stuff bm said I was crazy.

Haiyah, but in the end we couldn’t finish quite abit of food. One hour for buffet, for people with big appetites, just wasn’t a very brilliant idea, man. Next time must go again, pay more nevermind, must slowly eat haha.

Anyway, the food was good! Didn’t get the chance to try their sashimi though. But bm says it tastes just like sashimi elsewhere, like rubber lydat.

And omg, the “music” there was so spastic that it was funny. Goes like, “1,2,3, KuiShin Bo, Suntec City, Level 3, (dunno whatever shit there was), number one, 1, 2, 3, KuShin Bo!!!”

Wtf?!

And today I bought like, 4 shirts to wear to school~ If u know me at all, u know I find buying shirts very challenging and time-consuming one. Probably today I was in a CONSUMER mood.

So school starts tomorrow. No more goofing around.

And so it begins.

Went for wedding dinner with papa at Shang Ri La just now~

Papa lazy to drive so ah pek drove us there since he was going as well and lives so near to us. First time sit in his Beemer, fwah, it was really big,

Biangz, I think for the dinner, more than a thousand bucks a table, and they had like 60 tables, so $60,000, just for food alone!

Getting married is such expensive business.

When we were at the reception there I was already starting to feel abit bored cos my papa and ah pek were socialising with all their towkay friends. Just reach only got this dunno what boss from Taka Jewellery come and exchange name cards and stuff.

Man, I felt so out of place.

Then people see me, all ask my papa if I am his “towkay” lah, “gong zi” lah, all that. Say what I got “papa de feng fan” haiyo then I so paiseh must smile smile and try to make small talk with all these people I don’t know. Geez I just hoped we can start eating soon.

Oh yeah, there were quite a few pretty pretty qian jin xiao jies also~~ Got one tall tall pretty pretty one kept glimpsing at me loh!! Despite my inner desire and hope that she WAS glimpsing at me for me, I know that it’s all wishful thinking and she’s probably just thinking “wtf why this guy keep looking at me” or probably cos we’re part of the minority, the “younger generation” there.

But hey, I didn’t “keep looking at her” actually.

The food was so-so only. Wah lau, alot of leftover food loh, cos our table wasn’t full. I so wanted to just kapoh all the remaining food but I had to maintain my “reserved and refined” image and kept to my own helping

Then got kids from other tables see our table all uncle auntie, so all came to our table to kop chocolates hahah. Reminded me of what I did when I was small.

The waitress at our table was so funny. Looks sha2 li3 sha3 qi4 one. Blur blur one, she had such a hard time kiaping the food for us, hold the fork and spoon also cannot hold properly, I starting see quite amused, after while I felt very xin ku for her.

After kiaping this portion, she wanted to walk over to the OTHER side of the table to kiap the other portion from the same plate. I mean wtf?? So ma fan?? Kindly kang kang proceeded to help her turn the rotatable thingy so that she can save the hassle.

But after scooping one plate my papa buei ta han and told her very kindly that we could get the food ourselves.

She got really really embarrassed I think, then she just smile smile then walked away slowly.

So poor thing. Reminded me of the first day I went to work for boss. I still remember Set A was chicken burger set, Set B was Fish ‘n’ Chips and Set C was Seafood Pasta. After some explanation from boss, I went to tell the customer that Set C = Set A plus Set B.

Okay I know Chicken Burger plus Fish ‘n’ Chips is NOT equals to Seafood Pasta but Iwas a confused new bird, what to do?! Dunno why so dumb leh.

But still, boss says that my first day of work saw the highest amount of profits in the entire history of the shop. She says I’m her lucky star ahahah. Really wad, not long after I left they folded -_-;;

Anyway my papa and ah pek were quite surprised to see that I drank so much wine. They even more stunned when I said I drink liao no hweeling loh. I was like ‘very impressive meh? really no hweeling wad.’

Maybe I’m immune to alcohol.

I find myself kinda weird at times.

I’m a subscriber of this weekly newsletter that helps cancer patients cope with their illness. With humour, with camaraderie, since they’d know that almost everyone reading it would be in the same plight. Except for wackos like me of course.

But I think this newsletter’s real cool, and it really helps put fortunate people like u and me in perspective. When u see people fighting hard against death (ah, reminds me of sandman again) and pain and disease, u stop brooding over stupid shit stuff like, “my gf was looking at this cute guy” or “i swear that BITCH was staring at me” or “i am so fuckin poor and in such dire straits that i have no money for an IPOD NANO.”

Heh, if u’re a wacko like me (I’m sure everyone is, to some extent) check this out: http://www.thecancercrusade.com/

Check out the survivor movie too. Their slogan is cool and inspiring, man.

I have cancer, but cancer doesn’t have me.

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School is starting. Dammmit, I didn’t manage to get BOTH Internet Business Models and Personal Finance. Slacker is in the same plight as me. When next round of bidding opens we’ll hafta see what shit is left and see if we can grab some.

If not, 4 core modules for this sem then.

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What have I done during the holidays.

I didn’t get to complete ff10 and metal slug

But I sure read alot. 10 x sandman. (Graphic novel) Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince. 4 x xiao lee fei dao (chinese novel) Trading 101. Omerta. Cracking the Millionaire Code. Aiyah don’t list all so boring, about 20 books in total muahaha such a geek I am.

Well, I dunked.

And won quite alot of pocket money ah. Better not reveal exact sum but it’s more than a thousand so yeah, pretty good.

I think they gave the student associate job to the indian already ah, which is just as well, I guess.

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I didn’t know u could send SMS through email. That’s damn cool shit. Friend from U.S. told me to try smsing him, and it WORKED.

The wonders of technology.

Maybe Singapore should start doing this too instead of requiring us to go to their website to sms. But oh well, just a thought.

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Friends from overseas seem to say they “don’t know much about Singapore except that it’s very very clean.”

Wow.

I know, Garden city and all that, from all the stupid hao gong min and moral education shitty lessons, but I never knew this was really the impression we gave people.

So what defines Singapore. Cleanliness. And the banning of chewing gum.

Wow.

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U.S. customer service operators fumble over the phone too. I thought only Singaporean ones do that.

Neteller called to verify some stuff.

I thought ang mohs speak damn fast like machine guns. I didn’t know they have to THINK before they speak Haha.

I also answered my SECURITY QUESTION like 5 times today.

“Sir, before we carry on, could u please answer ur security question please? What is your favorite sport?”

“BASKETBALL”

I answer so many times until I malu.

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MSN got so many games. Went on gaming marathon with xyz for damn long last night. Minesweeper lah, bejewelled lah, mahjong lah, all that.

We were even gonna start playing chinese chess when I heard birds chirping and we realized it was like, 6 a.m.

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NUS organizing this series of competitions including bball and captain’s ball. I was thinking can jio wst or shambaa people or what to join when I realized it’s only within Engin. I mean what the hell, they even restrict like, can only form teams made up of people from ur specific MAJOR.

Wah lau, like that how, who will join sia.

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I think I can really talk alot of nonsense if I want to.

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Lastly, happy birthday biao mei!

YZ asked me if I wanted to go for Corrine May’s concert at NUS. I didn’t even know she’s holding a concert here.

Aye, should go anot ah. It would be the second concert of hers I’d be attending.

Went to meet ah bun and wild man just now. Phew, haven’t seen wild man in like ages. He seems to have… I dunno. Aged?

Anyway it was really dumb, we met up at like 10.45 p.m. and wild man had to leave by 11.15 p.m. to catch the last bus, which was like, so DUH.

Finally finished Sandman. Sheesh, I must be too stupid cos I totally failed to appreciate the last volume, thus ending the entire series in a slightly disappointing note.

I’m tired.

Is this frickin’ awesome or what? Three days into the New Year and I think I’ve managed to kick off one resolution from my list.

I managed to dunk?

Well last year I managed to do it ONCE or twice and that’s it.

Today I decided to try again when nobody’s around and I guess I can say can oredi??

Okay I attempted what, 15-20 times? (I tell ya it’s damn tiring, and it makes my knees hurt)

But hey, it didn’t feel as cool as I thought it would leh. Like comics lydat, can fly and float one. But in actual fact it takes like less than one second.

I think I managed to do it properly a FEW times. Doubt I can do it in the middle of a game though, and I travelled all the way the the hoop haha.

Oh well at least it’s a start.

In dreams.

When you fall, sometimes you hit the ground.

And you die.

Somtimes, you wake up.

But there is a third alternative.

In dreams.

Sometimes, when you fall.

You FLY.

Wah lau my friend just sent me this web page project which we submitted for some web page making competition way back in 1999!! I was in sec 3 I think.

Damn nostalgic sia.

Last time we spent so much time on it. I still remember my classmates all went to support us on the day of the presentation. (Some were forced to go.)

It was a competition for all secondary schools in Singapore ah, in SPH or something.

Then when the judges finished announcing the consolation prize winners and we didn’t get them, my classmates like, boo-ed and stood up wanted to leave hahah.

Ah beng assumptionites lah.

Then voila, Assmption ENGLISH School got number one for this CHINESE web page making competition!

I also dunno why we got it lah, probably our principal bribed the judges or something hahah.

I only remember our geh kiang “team leader” (who actually didn’t do very much also) VERY KINDLY OFFERED OUR PRIZE MONEY AS DONATION TO THE SCHOOL.

I don’t remember the exact amount lah, think it was 50 bucks or something, and that was damn alot of money to me then okay!! Last time my lunch is like, $2 one loh. So that was 25 lunches gone!

Idiot.

The fateful day of the competition was also the first time I set eyes on HER I think. Not that I knew it then, though.

The girl who was gonna become one of the most important persons in my life a few years later.

Hahah.

Life is so cool. Things happen in such strange and bizzare ways. You really never know wat’s gonna happen tomorrow or even later on. Guess that’s what makes life interesting and worth looking forward to.

After one whole cycle, from setting eyes on her, to knowing her, to asking her the dreaded question, to being together, to spending like 3 years together, to splitting up, now we’re not really talking to each other all over again.

It’s all damn fuckin’ bizzare.

I stayed at home!

After driving brother to camp at the unghostly hour of 6.30 a.m. I came home and slept all the way until two p.m.!! Kinda lucky I decided not to go for vball at Sentosa too, cos it rained.

Wow I haven’t slept so much in a long long time man.

Then I started READING and READING. I just finished the 4-part series of xiao lee fei dao the other day. Borrowed Lu Ding Ji afterwards. And I still have Sandman to finish.

I think the greatest thing today is overcoming procrastination and actually cleaning and packing up my room. Also helped fix the kitchen cupboard and sewing machine with mum. Wah lau eh, damn filial leh.

However, after the hectic cleaning session and looking at my room now, I am sad to say that er, it doesn’t look much different.

I got too much stuff lah, but at least they’re neater now and it’s rid of tons of dust and COCKROACH EGGS.